“Will EMDR Work for Me IF…?”
Some questions that people ask when they’re thinking about an EMDR intensive is,
“Will EMDR intensives work for me if I have ordinary anxiety or other mental health challenges that aren’t getting better in my regular therapy?
or…
If I don't have a specific traumatic incident can EMDR intensives still be helpful?”
The answer is probably, yes. The way that I do EMDR intensives is a traditional type of EMDR with eight phases. We start with the presenting problem. What’s causing you pain or harming you now? What are the issues in your life that are causing dysfunction or disruption in your day-to-day?
As we identify the issues and where your pain currently is, then I ask for specific instances of that issue, or examples of that problem in your life. Using the examples, we do an exercise called a floatback, to return to earlier times in your life when you had those negative thoughts, unpleasant emotions, and body sensations before. As the EMDR therapist, I ask a series of questions to help you create an emotional map of issues. With this map of your life and us connected to the thread of what’s currently causing your pain, it becomes clear the current issue wasn’t born out of a singular instance. The current problems developed over a series of smaller, seemingly insignificant moments that embedded negative core beliefs you have about yourself or how you move through the world.
Clarifying Negative Beliefs
In EMDR treatment, I clarify the negative beliefs clients have about themselves and what they would prefer to believe instead of that.
Some common beliefs I hear from clients are:
I'm not good enough.
I have to be perfect.
I'm not okay the way that I am.
There's something wrong with me.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not safe.
It's not okay to be my authentic self.
These beliefs are reinforced in small, subtle ways over the lifetime. The trauma is not a particular experience, but the consistent stress that caused your brain to adopt a belief to help make sense of what you were experiencing. The current issues are how your brain now interprets information with the negative belief systems and what you have to do to try to escape from or cope with those beliefs.
When people think about traumatic events, the same event could be harmful for one person and unremarkable for another because trauma is subjective. Every brain and nervous system will respond differently to different situations. Yes, there are universally traumatic situations that people can experience, like a natural disaster, dehumanization, violence, etc. But when we're talking about trauma symptoms appearing in adulthood with no identifiable event, it's how the brain interpreted the information—“I'm not good enough, I can't do anything right”—that are truly causing the harm.
Overt and Covert Beliefs
These beliefs are reinforced both overtly and covertly. Sometimes the overt things are a parent, sibling, teacher or coach telling you that there's something wrong with you or you’re a disappointment. People might actually say the things that become the negative belief.
Covert Trauma
This trauma also happens covertly. For example: A busy parent who is working a lot and doesn't have time to play with their kid or attend their events. A kid who’s trying to understand the reality they are living in without the advantage of adult perspectives and critical thinking can begin to believe that their parent doesn't want to spend time with them, that they aren’t loved, they don’t deserve to be cared for, they have to earn attention or connection, or there must be something wrong with them for the parent to choose something else over the child. If the parent doesn’t challenge or repair the ideas the child is assuming based on the situation, it can create negative belief systems that cause lifelong pain.
The beliefs can haunt people their entire lives, and for a while, a lot of people adapt to these beliefs with behaviors like perfectionism or overachievement. Those things can be adaptive responses to a negative belief system. But what happens when you accomplish everything you intended to achieve and there’s nothing left? What happens when you start to burn out and your bodies and brains stop cooperating with the pace of life that was achievable in high school, in college, early in your career? By your 30s and 40s, our bodies are slowing down. You're not able to keep the same pace. Your brain is still working under the same beliefs as before that you absorbed as a kid. A lot of my clients hit a point in this age range, or have a significant life event like the death of a parent, having a child of their own, getting married or divorced, etc. and they realize that they can’t earn or achieve their way out of feeling the emotions that accompany those negative beliefs.
So when people ask me, “is EMDR going to even help me if I didn’t experience a particular traumatic event?” My answer is yes.
Often people will come to me after a lot of conventional therapy to uncover some of the beliefs that are influencing their behavior. They reach a point with their primary therapist and realize these belief systems are blocking them from the life they want, because their nervous system is driving them with fear. If I believe deep down that I'm not good enough, that there's something wrong with me, I'm always worrying when I’ll be found out, then I will always be feeling the pressure of those beliefs in my life. People are leading fear-based lives driven by the high-octane fuel of stress, anxiety, and over-functioning.
No wonder you feel so exhausted, overwhelmed, or numb…
Banishing Those Beliefs
In EMDR intensives, we demolish those belief systems so you can move forward with new coping tools and beliefs that will be more beneficial for you long term. We provide this new information to the past versions of you so that you can repair the harm they experienced by absorbing the negative beliefs in the first place. Maybe there was nothing wrong with you. Maybe you were interpreting some experiences with a kid’s brain and you didn't have all of the information you needed to comprehend what was happening. I think some of my most powerful EMDR intensives were with people who didn’t recall a single traumatic incident, but had memories of feeling othered or less than. When people are able to release old beliefs and claim their goodness and worth, it is life-changing.
If you're curious about doing an EMDR intensive and you’ve been feeling the pressure and stress in your life, but you can’t recall a specific traumatic event, you should contact me. In your good fit call, we’ll talk more about your situation and how EMDR intensives could help you feel better faster.
