How to Know When You're Really Not Ready for an EMDR Intensive
One of the most common questions I get asked as an EMDR intensive therapist is, “How do I know if I’m ready for an EMDR intensive?” Honestly, the best way to answer that question is to tell you when you’re NOT ready. Here are some of the signs that show me someone’s NOT ready for an EMDR intensive that I see in good fit calls.
Signs You’re Not Ready for an EMDR Intensive
You’re not ready for an EMDR intensive if…
#1 You dissociate or shut down every time you experience strong emotion(s).
Key Indicator: This indicates to me that the pace and intensity of an EMDR intensive isn’t the right ft for you right now. Dissociation or emotional numbing is often an effective way to cope with the impacts of trauma, but if a person can’t experience their emotions or is afraid to feel them then an intensive isn’t the best type of treatment.
Exception: For a recent traumatic event. There is a specific EMDR protocol that is different from the basic eight-phase protocol I use during intensives. When a client has had a trauma within the last few weeks (up to three months after the initial incident) their affect, or emotional expression, is often blunted and/or they are numbed or in shock. An individual who recently experienced trauma hasn’t crystalized or encoded the trauma in the same way and the recent event protocol techniques help a person feel better in the present and help prevent them from experiencing additional post-traumatic stress symptoms.
Some recent traumatic events include:
Car accidents
Fires
Floods or other natural disasters
Sudden death of a loved one
Survivors of suicide loss
Medical trauma
Sexual violence
Near-death experience
Physical assault
Robbery or other crime victimization
#2 You feel completely hopeless.
Key Indicator: Feeling completely hopeless usually indicates active, strong suicidal ideation, severe depression, or significant dissociation from emotion. If someone tells me that they don’t feel any hope and they don’t think anyone can help them, it’s not my job to disagree with them. As a therapist that works quickly and intensely my strengths do not lie in helping people find hope for feeling better. While EMDR can be a great resource for people who have strong, active suicidal ideation, a severe depressive episode, or dissociation, an intensive is not the correct format for administering EMDR. Many other therapists work with clients long-term doing EMDR to help clients with these more severe symptoms.
Exception: When a person reports to me that they feel no hope, I always explore what they mean by that in my good-fit calls and history-taking interviews. What people usually mean is that they don’t have any ideas on how to feel better without help. They have lost hope in doing it alone. In this case, I can find kernels of hope they have and hold them carefully for them until the client is ready to take them from me and hold onto their own hope.
#3 You Haven’t Completed Your Current Therapy Goals
Key Indicator: If you are in therapy and you can’t identify anything you’re currently working on or wanting to get out of therapy, and you can’t identify anything that you’ve worked on before and have reached a new level skill or insight into, then it’s time to have a hard chat with your therapist about what they heck is going on… And it might mean that you’re not ready to be in therapy. (Just because you GO doesn’t mean you’re getting something out of it…) Because EMDR intensives are quick and intense, I need clients who know what it’s like for them to actively participate in their therapy. While I am the instrument administering EMDR, you – the client – are the literal brains behind the operation. If you’re not actively involved in the process with me, you’re not going to get much out of it.
Exception: You’ve outgrown your current therapist. Often people plateau in therapy because they’ve gotten what they need out of that therapist, but since that therapist helped them, it’s difficult to find a new therapist, and/or going through a therapist breakup feels like it would be worse than a divorce – people stay longer than it might be good for them with the same therapist. This is a great reason to try an EMDR intensive. The intensive will give you a new perspective on the old problems, which means you’ll have a new path to go down with your favorite therapist.
#4 You can't name any of your coping skills
Key Indicator: We cope with problems big and small throughout the day, every day. One of the first questions I ask people is about how they prefer to cope and when someone can’t tell me what they do to handle the inevitable emotions that come up, that signals to me that this person may not be paying close attention. Paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, triggers, and behaviors are necessary parts of the intensive process. You reporting to me as the therapist what has changed and what hasn’t is going to help guide us in the reprocessing of trauma and triggers, and the enhancements of resources and future templates.
Exception: When a person doesn’t realize what a coping skill is… Some people hear that phrase and assume it’s a list of things you do to make yourself feel better that you refer to from time to time when you’re overwhelmed. Yes, those can be coping skills, but so can taking a deep breath when you’re frustrated instead of yelling at someone, going for a walk, snuggling with your partner or pet, eating your favorite food… all these things are some simple, effective, and not necessarily obvious ways in which we can cope with the normal stressors of daily life. I promise you; you’re doing something to cope. It may not be “good for you”, or it may be something you’re not even thinking about, but slow down and try to notice when your mood or emotions shift and you’ll start to see what you do to cope in your daily life.
#5 You're avoiding talking about something with your therapist
Key Indicator: If you’re going to therapy and you haven’t disclosed something to your therapist that you want to work on in an EMDR intensive, that will raise some red flags for me. As an adjunctive therapist, I consider myself the special teams and your primary, weekly therapist they head coach The head coach may not know all the ins-and-outs of all special teams plays, but they are definitely aware that those plays exist and might come up in a game. Some people seek me out to prevent embarrassment or disappointment with their primary therapist because they are afraid the trauma is going to cause their therapist to see them in a different light. This comes from a place of shame in the client, and while it’s usually an incorrect assumption, it’s an understandable worry they have. A therapy relationship is important to the client, and it make sense that they wouldn’t want to do anything to disrupt that relationship, but a therapist can’t help you through something you’re not willing to share. It’s my strong preference that the client has at least one session explaining the issue to their primary therapist and processing what it’s like for their relationship for the client to disclose that and seek help or it.
Exception: If a client is in a mandated therapy and doesn’t trust or feel allied with their therapist. When a client is mandated to therapy or doesn’t trust their therapist for whatever reason, it makes sense not to disclose something that feels incredibly vulnerable. As an EMDR intensive therapist, I’ve done entire treatment plans with clients where I didn’t know anything about the trauma they experienced because they weren’t ready to talk about it. This isn’t ideal, but it is understandable and ultimately when I choose to work with a client, I respect their boundaries.
While there are a lot of reasons why an intensive isn’t a good fit, when the fit is right an EMDR intensive makes a huge, positive impact on the lives of my clients. If you’re curious about having your own life-altering therapy, fill out this form and schedule a good-fit call!